There are a lot of good things in this image that aren't easy to do. The models look comfortable and the contrast in their interaction and relationship is good. There is a great diagonal composition here that offers a lot of dynamism to subjects that aren't moving at all.
These are great models you have here. They seem easygoing and comfortable in front of the camera. Hopefully, you can continue to work together.
The issues that I see are, for the most point, small and easily correctable.
1. I'm not keen on the aspect ratio. You have cropped this into an unorthodox proportion that leads me to believe that you are hiding something that you didn't see when you were composing.
2. Whether it is due to this cropping or not, the toe and the knee of the model on the left are clipped by the edge of the frame. Don't amputate body parts with the edge of the frame.
3. There is a plant in front of the foot of the model on the right. If this is a "fashion" shot, pull that thing out or move the girls. Tough to buy a sell if you can't see it.
4. The hair of the model on the left is blown out from the highlight of the sun. You did a good job putting the models in nice bright shade. If you had moved them over another foot to the right, you could have eliminated this issue (as well as the hot spot above her knee). I like the light on her shoulder and face, but the hair is too hot. It's lost all detail in that spot. If you want to keep that highlight, a small diffuser in the path of the sunlight might tone it down just enough for you to retain detail there while keeping the highlight. An assistant here would be invaluable.
5. Pay close attention to the hands. The two hands that are in between the girls are cut off. Not seeing the right hand of the girl on the left isn't such a big deal to me because of her angle, but look for someplace to put the two hands in the middle so that they are visible.
Bottom Line: This is really a very good effort and with just a few minor teaks would be a very nice image. This line of photography is definitely something you could pursue.